The Questions You Would Never Ask Me In America
Plus: You'll Never Guess Where I'm Going Next
Dear Reader,
Cultural differences are sometimes hard to spot.
They are subtle, like picking up your fork with your left hand instead of your right hand or pointing it upside down on its way to your mouth with food instead of right side up.
But sometimes they are just right in your face.
Staring at you, begging for you to either take offense or just laugh later.
There I was, in the gym in Portugal, once again, minding my own business on the cycling bike I have picked out as my favorite.
It has a decent view of the golf course across the street, and I enjoy watching traffic pass by in front of me.
There are no group classes here at the resort gym.
Just two small rooms.
One with cardio equipment and one with weight lifting equipment.
So if more than two people show up besides me at the gym, exercising starts to feel like a group class that none of us wanted to sign up for.
Let me give you an example.
One day I arrived to work out to find a silver-haired man in his 70s in the middle of the cardio equipment room wildly swinging his arms at something only he could see in front of him.
He was wearing virtual reality goggles, and had his feet spread out like a boxer.
His personal trainer approached me as I got on “my bike” and said, “Um, could you please let him know if you are going to pass in front of him or behind him? He can’t see you.”
I tried not to laugh. It was clear he couldn’t see me.
But I was trying hard not to see him.
It’s hard to ignore someone about five feet from you whose body is moving as if it is fighting off a dragon, but I did my best to pretend he wasn’t there.
Just like when I saw an entire family of tourists decide that this tiny ass gym was the next best thing to Disneyland or a playground they just discovered.
There I was, in the weight lifting room, sweating my usual 10 buckets of fluid from my body, when I saw a portly dad, a middle aged mom, and two middle school girls enter the cardio room together.
I thought, “Oh, they must be on some sort of tour, checking out the resort, looking to see what the gym is like here.”
No, no they weren’t.
Then I noticed. They were wearing flip flops.
One person got on the treadmill in flip flops. Two others got on exercise bikes. At one point one person was standing on an exercise ball, wobbling, facing me through the glass, and I was terrified I was going to see a life threatening accident happen right in front of me without any idea of how to call emergency services.
When I left, the dad was sweating as much as me, his whole polo shirt wet on the bike he was riding, and I had to admit that I gave them all kudos for not letting having the right clothing or footwear stop them from getting some exercise together.
But, let me tell you about the question that really stopped me in my tracks culturally.
One of the personal trainers here (not mine), stopped in when he saw me get on the bike and without saying hello asked me, “Excuse me. Have you lost weight?”
Listen, it’s nice that all of this hard work I’m doing is paying off and I have lost … a lot of weight, but that question from a stranger is … off-putting to an American woman.
“Yes,” I said.
“How many kilos?” he asked.
There are so. many. wrong. things. with that question.
Let’s deal with the first one.
Kilos.
I have no idea how much people normally weigh in kilos.
I don’t even know how to measure a kilo!
Nor do I know how to measure someone’s weight in “stones” either.
After years of driving in Canada, I still find it challenging to gauge kilometers per hour and do complicated math in my head that includes multiplying things by .6 to figure out how long it will take me to get places.
Here’s what I said to the trainer, which is true.
“I don’t know. I don’t own a scale.”
But still, I couldn’t help but utter the humble brag (okay, not-so-humble brag) because yes, I have put a lot of time into that gym in the last 3-4 months and radically changed my diet and that has had a transformative effect on my body.
“I’m down three sizes,” I said.
He gave me a thumbs up and said, “Keep going! You’re looking good!”
And I thought, “Never in America. Just never.”
In my experience, Americans can be quite direct, but we can also be frustratingly conflict avoidant.
We leave anything where there might be serious points of contention between people to the Internet, or Facebook comments.
Unless you know someone agrees with you, in advance, you wouldn’t talk about religion, politics, the economy, and sometimes even the weather in person.
We’re mostly left with … sports or food.
In the case of weight loss or weight gain in America, you a.) never ask a woman if she is pregnant, b.) never comment about weight gain, c.) only comment about weight loss if you are either very close to the person or say something vague like, “You’re looking great! Did you change your hair?”
So, just this week when the French yoga instructor approached me before a therapeutic “gong” session and said, “Janelle! Is that you? You look so elegant! I hardly recognized you!”
I felt mildly violent in response.
I said, in my no-nonsense Montana way, “Thanks. I know. I lost a lot of weight,” and smiled.
Ladies and gentleman, cultural differences are part of why I came to Portugal.
I wanted to experience a different way of looking at the world, and yet, and yet, I admit that I am surprised to find myself annoyed by some of them.
That said, I am grateful that goal #2 of mine of getting back in shape has largely been accomplished in a fairly short time frame with diet and exercise alone.
I am so grateful.
If you’ve wondered why my posts haven’t been about Portuguese culture lately, it’s because I have been busy meeting this particular health goal first.
And busy getting new work! Goal #3
This week I leave for Costa Rica to start work helping a new client meet their sales goals, and they are flying me to see their retreat centers in Costa Rica.
This happened in less than 10 days.
I can hardly believe it.
Yesterday, I went to the Freeport Lisbon Fashion Outlet with a friend to get some new clothes for the trip (since none of mine fit anymore) and had a fabulous time.
If you like to shop, go there on your next trip to Portugal! It’s across the river and a bit of a drive, but worth it. Lots of international brands and Portuguese brands and great deals.
Yes, I will be flying back to Portugal in a few weeks. I’m not moving to Costa Rica.
In the meantime, I will be busy noting all of the cultural differences to share with you during my first trip to Costa Rica (a lifetime dream of mine), and enjoying how brilliantly diverse we all are on this planet.
More soon!
Love,
Janelle
P.S New photos of me will be released soon too, I promise! Thank you so much for your support. You are amazing!
The Portuguese are usually less rude, but when you go to a gym in Portugal you're subject to these kinds of approaches, mainly from men to women and vice versa. We talk a lot about time and weight, just to make conversation. That's probably what this guy you met wanted. I've never been to America, but from what I know, the Portuguese, as Latinos, are naturally more direct and brazen. Here in Portugal, there would be many women who would be offended by that comment, others would be happy, because here too you never ask about ages, weight or pregnancy.
Costa Rica must be a wonderful country, and it's also one of the countries with the highest average life expectancy, due to its people's diet and good mood. I hope your new experience goes well, and by the way, it's likely that some man there will ask you about your weight or comment on your looks :)
Enjoy the new experience
Very interesting. My mom notices my weight loss and I get offended, but I welcome it from strangers.
I wish we were having more in person convos about religion and politics. I know nothing about sports. lol:-)
I miss intellectually stimulating conversations.
Have fun in Costa Rica!